If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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