Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
