he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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