I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
