please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
