yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
