Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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