I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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