I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
