These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
