It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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