So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
