Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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