Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
