my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
