i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
