God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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