I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
