Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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