Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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