That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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