I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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