well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
