I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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