some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
4 words: hood of his car
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
3pm strippers are depressing
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
