I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
