I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
