Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
