I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How does one acquire holy water?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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