So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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