420 ftw
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
