THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
