Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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