I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
