the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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