Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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