Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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