you would pick up someone in the library
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize