Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
