he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
