So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
