I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
