I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
