So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
