Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I look better un-naked...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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