I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
