You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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