its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
