so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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