Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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