This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
