u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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