I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
