Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
