i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
