I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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