oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I need water and some morals
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize