I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
