just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
