I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
