brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize