I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She bit a glass in half.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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