proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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