overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
