that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
