After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize